What’s the difference between Sex and Gender?
I thought I would share a response I wrote to a recent issue of the Chatham Chatlist, a county-wide email list that goes to about 6500 folks, someone wrote about reducing the rights of children in schools who identify as trans (the original post was from someone with Moms for Liberty, a conservative group). There was some back and forth on the list, as is per usual with something that folks feel is controversial. I wrote a response based on some of the conversations, which appeared to be based on the highlight reel from recent media and displayed more than a few misunderstandings about sex and gender. Here’s some of what I wrote.
“I deeply value the community of folks who live in Chatham and surrounding areas. I’m operating on the assumption that all of us are doing the best we can with what we have. So, let’s add some more info.
Sex is the biological characteristics that contribute to a person’s physical and hormonal presentation. Sex is traditionally defined as XX (Female) or XY (Male) based on our genetic chromosome. As nature and God are want to do, those things don’t always turn out exactly the same. Chromosomes sometimes break, sometimes disappear, sometimes get added. Hormones range from person to person and the spectrum of what is “normal” is HUGE. When we limit our definition of male/female to those chromosomes and to the presence or absence of specific amounts of hormones, we exclude anyone who does not fit that exact definition.
This is all to say, what about the people outside that box? What about people who have XX chromosomes and external testes? What about people who have XY chromosomes and grow breasts? What about people who develop differently, just because their body developed differently!? If you believe there can only ever be 2 sexes, then how do you account for the number of folks who don’t fit into those boxes? If someone is born intersex, what do you call them? We know that there are more than two sexes, because sex characteristics all exist on a spectrum. There is also now some indication that folks with trans identity’s brains actually develop differently than cis-gendered folks, proving that there is a biological component to being trans. (See link at end of post for more info)
Gender is the understanding we have about ourselves and our identity. This is developed based on a ton of things, but a lot of how we understand gender is based on what feels right for us. Often during development we feel aligned with our body; the way it moves and the things it does feel like they help US be who we are (This is called cisgender; my body and physical characteristics are the SAME as the way I feel internally). If there are only 2 sexes, then there have to be only 2 genders, right? Because we have to define and categorize everyone into one of these two ways. But what if the way my body moves does not feel aligned with who I am? What if my physical characteristics don’t align with how I feel inside? What if I have both sex characteristics (testes and a clitoris? internal testes, and an external vulva/vagina but no uterus?)
That’s what’s happening with folks who don’t align with the gender binary. They aren’t dirty or evil or trying to expose themselves to people. They are humans who don’t necessarily align perfectly internally with the physical, chromosomal and hormonal characteristics they might possess. Those folks might call themselves trans, might call themselves agender, bi-gender, non-binary, or gender queer. But they are just trying to be themselves in a world where we want folks to fit into a tiny box because it’s easier for us to understand that than to consider the vastness of individuality.
Gender expression is how you present yourself. How you share your gender with the world. What you wear, what you buy, what you do with your hair and your face.
But really, all that is about individual expression and how a person shows up authentically as themselves. And being witness to letting someone truly show up as themselves is a gift to you and to them.
As a cisgender human, you get to have boundaries, and you get to have safety in public spaces. But shouldn’t everyone get to have boundaries and safety in public spaces? Shouldn’t all of us be allowed to pee in peace? How many of us have been judged at some point by our bodies? Imagine if your body looked different from everyone elses? Imagine if people hated you because of what was in your pants. Can you picture it? How scary it would be to walk into the restroom and be afraid that people might assault you, or that they’d look at you and point? Or that they’d be afraid of you just because of how you look?
We all just want to be able to show up in the world and do our best. If you have ever felt different, ever felt unwanted, ever felt like how you want to show up would be unwelcome to people, then use that empathy to understand that being trans is hard enough on its own. Being different is hard enough. We don’t need to make it harder by inventing more stuff to be afraid of.
What is in someone’s pants does not define who they are. We have no right to regulate people’s external gender expression. We have no right to check people’s genitals to ensure they’re in the right bathroom or on the right sports team (that’s actually sexual assault). We do need to allow people to decide for themselves what they are, and until we decide that we don’t have to divide the world up by men vs. women, let folks use whatever bathroom they feel aligned with. Let the people pee in peace.
Trans folks have existed in our society forever, in cultures around the world. We’re lucky that folks invite us into their identity at all. It is not our job to police someone else’s identity, clothing, or biological composition.
Some reading:
https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/sex-determination-humans
https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/biological-sex-and-gender-united-states
